They’re Worth the Wait.

Lately, God has been putting people in my life that don’t take ‘no’ for an answer. I think that’s exactly what my steady progression has been missing.

I’m a powerful entity that means what I say, every time. If I say I want peace and solitude, I mean that; even at the expense of the feelings of those that I care about. And usually, once I put my foot down, it can’t be moved by anyone. It’s my worst habit that I’ve picked up over years of being anxious- letting others down. After a while it became easy, telling others ‘no’, or even making intentional plans just to have them fall through at the last second due to my undying panic state. And most let me. I lived by the mindset that those who loved me would understand.

Until they didn’t anymore. Eventually people started falling away, and that didn’t really resonate with me until recently. I tried to make myself understand that people come and go, because they really do, but it wasn’t until I started losing real love that I snapped back to reality. Relationships take presence.

It’s too late for some of those relationships… This transition has been lonely to say the least. That is, until recently. Lately, the people I’ve come to love will not hear me say “no”. They’re adamant about my follow-through without getting emotional. It’s always out of love and a true desire to see me. They hear me say that I have anxiety, and rearrange the plan to accommodate my fears while simultaneously placating them with presence and care. They share a lot of the same ailments and know the answers. These people do more than talk- they move. These are people that I’m still just getting to know… yet the love is so abundant and real.

Patience has never been my strong suit and God knows this transition took a lot of it. Though the reward is, admittedly, so much sweeter after the fight. I barely remember some of my lowest, loneliest moments now as I begin to fill the void with my chosen family. It’s all worth the wait. It’s all worth the fight. Trust me.